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October 31, 2019 at 8:04 pm #320759ButtercupParticipant
Hey! I am going through the same thing! i dont know if anyone is still here but i would really like some help and advice.
This might be long…
I had my first relationship when i was 19. I was going through the worst phase of my life and he helped me become better. I fell in love with him! Everything was great for the first 3 months and then my relationship turned a 180. He was so abusive and literally the worst person ever. I always had this feeling that he wasnt the one for me but you dont give up on someone you love right? plus, everyone has flaws, nobody is perfect. But i didn’t realize how horrible is was back then we were together for a year and a half and then he went to India to visit his family for a month and completely forgot about me. I would read my messages and not reply to them, he would not answer my calls or call me back. ( we used to have a lot of issues and fights because our thinking and morals were really different). During all that time away from each other I realized how much happier i was with out him in my life but i was unsure of those feelings. One day when he was still in India, he texted me and we got into a fight because he was ignoring me for all that time and a little later he told me he had impregnated a girl there and now he was going to become a father. I didnt believe it at first but he kept saying it and we didnt have a future anymore and then I snapped and started crying and begging him to forgive me for arguing with him. That was the moment he chose to reveal it to me that it was all a prank and right after that, i broke up with him (for obvious reasons).
anywayyyy… flash forward 6 months, I met this amazing guy who has been nothing but kind, and gentle and so caring and loving and treats me so well. it has been 5 months since we met and 3 since we are dating. All this time it has been great! He made me feels things I never knew I could. But now, im so confused and scared. I know for a fact that I love this man but something is so off and i cant put my finger on it. I have never felt this way before. I dont know why im scared or from where these feelings are coming from. I feel like i dont love him anymore but i know i do! im a kind of person who is pretty clingy and shares everything with her partner but now i just dont want to do anything. we have a long distance relationship and we both are full time university students and are always busy but we make sure to make time for each other. I dont want to lose him or the feeling i have towards him. Im very uncertain if he loves me or care about me ( even though I know he does) … its like my brain knows it but my heart does not want to accept that he does. I keep thinking what if he turns out like my ex and he abuses me in the name of love and I just sit there loving him like an idiot. Im so scared that hes going to manipulate me and take everything about me for granted. I know these fears are irrational but i just dont know how to deal with them. And they keep coming back like I will be totally normal and okay and it just suddenly hits me like a huge rock and I just start remembering my past relationship and I just wanna go far away from my bf and everyone and everything. I dont know its just really hard to word it and explain how I feel but its just a horrible feeling and I just want to move past this and love him like the way I used to. Sometimes I even feel there are better girls out there for him and hes a good man and deserves to be happy so I should just let him go. But the thought of not waking upto his voice or not having him in my life just tears me apart. I would really like some help on how to deal with this. Also, for others who are going through this, You are not alone!
I really hope to get a reply soon. Thank you!