He left me for his Parents

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    Hi Anita,

    Yes Anita, after I spoke over the phone he sends me an email  again in the evening asking me not to be stubborn and to consider getting married and if I can to forgive him.

    He also has stated that ‘we both are going through a difficult phase especially me and some day we will meet somewhere in this world. I will always be in his heart forever and to always remember that there’s a person who is always waiting to see my Happiness”

    I really don’t understand his selfishness. he destroyed my life and happiness and what else does he have to see. I just cant believe that I dated such a heartless person.  After doing everything he’s still trying to make me believe that he cares for me more than anyone in this world.

    I certainly feel bad for these kind of people. “Well, now you know what he wanted to say to you. Why does he wants your forgiveness and promise that you marry another man” – Yes I am very clear about what he wants he just simply wants me to give the maximum to him by tolerating  all his betrayal and  also its as if its my duty to forgive him. He certainly does not care what I am going thru and how I feel. He’s trying to leave me with nothing by forgiving him so that he can have a peace of mind and move on.

    I really felt sorry for myself for all what he is expecting from me. Also I feel so uncomfortable to work here because few of his friends knows about this other girl and today I felt as if they were looking at me and feeling sorry for me. I just want to leave this place before he gets married and go  public about it. I don’t want face that day because I feel it will break me again if I happen to work at the same place.

    The situation where he has put me through is very hurtful. He took away all what I had, This entire relationship has affected me in every way. My age, time, career, health, I seriously have to do a lot of hard work to get better.

    Bubba – didn’t know you were experiencing the same.  So these kind of behavior seems to be very normal in guys. They somehow doesn’t want to take the blame I guess. They are trying every tact tics to make them feel good.



    Dear Risha/Mitchelle/Bubba

    I may not be the right choice to give you advice or may not have the right words to console you. But as like a little sister of yours I REALLY WANT TO KICK THOSE GUYS. They have been so selfish, I can not even imagine. I wish I were with you guys now as i say really bad jokes, you would feel pitty for me and laugh at me for trying to be funny. The fact is I know or true to say don’t know what you are actually going through. Seek the help of the really nice people for advice and have some friends like me for a laugh. I wish you guys a happy life and I wish to see the lovely laugh of yours one day. I cannot see the laugh here of course but I will imagine it in my mind. Now I will shut up and good wishes to you 🙂


    Dear Risha:

    Before you make the significant move of leaving your job and country, why don’t you communicate with him just one more time and tell him that you do not forgive him, that he betrayed you and it is not your job to make him feel okay about it.

    You can also add that saying words is easy, takes a few seconds (“I will always be in his heart.. blah blah blah”) and therefore their value is just that, the few seconds it took to say these words.

    Then tell him that there will be no further communication between the two of you.



    Hi Anita, Should I write to him? I don’t feel like doing it. When I spoke to him I did tell him that I cannot forgive him and also I have clearly told him not to try to reach me ever again and not to cross my paths. I was very clear on that.

    But since he always wanted his way,  he decided to send me a email again with his fake story so I don’t think I should explain him further bcoz I feel he just somehow wants to communicate with me in some way whenever he feels like he wants to.

    So thought I will totally ignore the mail coz I need not explain anything further. what do you think?



    Dear Risha:

    I didn’t know you were very clear with him, “clearly told him not to try to reach me ever again and not to cross my path”. So basically, he is disrespecting your assertion by sending you an email after that clear communication on your part. He is not listening to you, not respecting what you want and what you have the right to demand.

    Is there a way for you to  involve superiors in your workplace to take him into a meeting and make it very clear to him to not communicate with you in any way, shape or form?

    Clearly, he needs someone who he does respect to tell him to stop contacting him. (In the U.S there is such a thing as a legal restraining order, a court order, aimed at stopping one person from communicating with another).




    Someone – you’re awesome and I’m sure you would make all of us feel better 🙂

    Risha – don’t reply further. He feels guilty and is trying to make himself feel better by getting you to admit that you are okay and accepting of his apology. It’s a manipulative tactic. I, personally, would not accept his apology. This is a big betrayal. It’s not a small thing. This is something that has destroyed your confidence and self-esteem, wasted years of your life that could have been better spent elsewhere, and honestly will affect how trusting you are towards other men in the future (which could also end up holding you back). He was WILLINGLY deceitful towards you. This isn’t a good person and he shouldn’t get off easy. My only concern right now is you and how I can help you move forward as best as possible. Keep letting your emotions out. They will be there for awhile. Start building yourself up in different ways. Learn something new. Start a new hobby. Read. Write. Perhaps plan a solo trip (this was most beneficial to me). Fall in love with yourself again. It is only through this that you will move on.


    Yes Anita i told him clearly during our converstation.

    Yes I can complain about him to the relavant unit to advise him. However I dont want to do that. This is not the first time Anita he has been trying to reach me forcefully during our entire relationship by threatening etc I never had a peace of mind. I cant talk, smile or move with anyone at all he fights me uses abusing words, It was all so painful and I tolarated him so much because I loved him and I thought he was so protective towards me.

    Today when I woke up I kind of feel I am in shock because I still cant belive that this has happened to me. Im moving on with a great difficulty. I know it will take sometime for me to move out from my work place and country.

    I cant believe this has affected my life so much. It seems like I have to change my life style totally. Also change is also not very easy i know I have to do a lot of work to get there and also once the change is done initially i may have a lot of struggle to settle. Whereas he is conveniently moving on with his life with a new person very smoothly.

    Its not something that anyone should cope up at this age and all by herself. He kept saying in his email that Iam a steong girl. So i guess thats why he decided he can hurt me brutually and i cant handle it.

    It hurts so much. Sometimes I feel the pain within me and I feel my entire body is giving up. Also it hurts to hear him say to marry someone else. Those words are spinning through my ears. It might be easy for him to move quickly with someone else. But I cant do that. How can that happen.

    What Iam sad is it took me 7 years to understand the real picture of him.



    Someone – Thanks for your kind words…really appreciate it 🙂


    Yes he himself feels guilty for what he did and he is begging me to forgive him because he has no peace but still he’s very smart he was clear that he doesn’t want to change his decision. He wants to start his new life with a peace of mind and with my blessings. He always expected too much from me because I was a fool and gave him all what I had with open arms.

    ‘This is something that has destroyed your confidence and self-esteem’ – Yes this has affected  me a lot Michelle because I was always independent and full of confidence. Now I feel as if I am a total stranger. Even my mother and siblings are shocked to see my change coz I was the strongest person among everyone.

    ‘My only concern right now is you and how I can help you move forward as best as possible’ – so nice of you Michelle this means a lot to me. Yes I am trying hard to move on and concentrate on other stuff. I have blocked him from everything where he could never reach me and I promised myself that I will maintain a discipline of not stalking him on any social media for sometime and with time maybe forever. I don’t want to see any of his updates or happenings which would disturb me.

    Also I plan to discard all of his gifts, cards etc, I don’t wanna keep any of his stuff. I know no matter what I do it will take some time to come out of this mess because still there re times where I sulk and feel low coz the betrayal and rejection is unbearable. But lets see how it works. I will keep you posted and thanks for your support.




    Dear Risha:

    You wrote: “He wants to start his new life with a peace of mind and with my blessings”. You also wrote: “I was a fool and gave him all what I had with open arms”. Well, you don’t have to be a fool anymore, and you don’t have to give him your blessings.

    You wrote: “it took me 7 years to understand the real picture of him”. I wanted to look at the real picture of him myself, so I looked at page 1 of your thread. When you explained to him seven years ago or so, that his mother called you strongly disapproving of the relationship, he “didn’t let me go. He’s too sensitive and he told me that he would do something to himself if I leave him”.

    Later, when you suggested to him that he marries you, he said “if anything happens to his mother since she’s too sensitive even he will not live”.

    Maybe his mother is not too sensitive and neither is he. He dishonestly manipulated you by threatening that he will die if you leave him (first incident) and that his mother will die and then he will die (second incident). I think it wasn’t that he was too sensitive, but that he wanted what he wanted and said what he had to say to get what he wanted, which was at first you without marriage. Later he said what he needed to say so that you marry someone else. And most recently he said what he needed to say so that he can proceed and marry another woman with your blessing.

    You wrote: “In my entire relationship he never let me associate with anybody at work. I was not allowed to talk to any boys if I do he use to accuse me a lot and then say he was trying to protect me… so I don’t mingle with anyone much. even at work he was the only person I associate with”-

    I don’t think he was trying to protect you. I think he was trying to protect his self interest, wanting to possess you, but not in marriage. Yesterday you wrote about the past: “I can’t talk, smile or move with anyone at all he fights me uses abusive words.. I tolerated him so much because I loved him and I thought he was so protective towards me”-

    You misunderstood his behavior as being protective toward you while in reality he was protective of his self interest in having you for himself, but not in marriage.

    Later, “during the past few months he told me to find someone else and marry until I get married he too can’t get settled in life.. he keeps pressurizing me to get married to someone soon” –

    After he already looked for another woman, since April, found one, looked for and received his parents’ approval, then he was no longer possessive of you, and pressured you to marry another man.

    He told you he won’t “settle in life” before you get married, but he was at the time preparing to be settled and proceeding to settle/ get married without you getting married first.

    One more thing, you wrote: “plenty of times where I hurt him by blocking him and ignoring his calls and messages but no matter what I do he tries to somehow reach me but this year April.. I shut him off entirely and he couldn’t contact me anyway”-

    He is used to you ending contact with him, blocking him and then renewing contact with him. No wonder he is not respecting your current assertion to end contact and your current blocking him.

    My thoughts this morning: be wise, no longer a fool (“I was a fool”). Don’t give him your blessing or your forgiveness, do not be submissive to him still, giving him all that you have and more, all that he wants (“I.. gave him all what I had with open arms”). Do not tolerate his abusive language as you did before. Don’t believe what he tells you to be the truth. See him as one motivated by his self interest, not your well being. See reality as it is.

    Then, stop blocking him and unblocking him, asserting ending contact and then allowing contact. Stay true to your own word, your word to him and to everyone else.

    You live with your mother, all your four siblings live overseas. You have little to no social life at work and outside work, as I understand it to be. You can choose to stay in Sri Lanka, continue your employment there, if you enjoy it and it is a great benefit to you, if you like living in your country. Or you can choose to proceed with the plan you mentioned, to send your mother to live with one of your siblings, and then move overseas yourself.

    You can choose to look for a healthy, loving relationship with a man in your country, or overseas, choose to seek marriage, or not. If your age is less of a problem overseas, and since you look much younger (when not heartbroken), maybe you can have a healthy, loving relationship with a decent man overseas, after you settle there a bit.

    You have choices to make. But first, see him the way he is, see you the way you are (no longer a fool), look at and see reality the way it is, and then choose.







    Hi Anita,  What you have said is the absolute truth. I really appreciate your kindness for remembering each and every thing and also going thru my thread and advising me accordingly. Yes he has lied to me from the beginning with his dramatic stories and I thought he was very sensitive and didn’t want to hurt him but he ended up hurting me so deeply making me feel worthless.

    I  hate the fact that I was been treated this way and I am a fool for giving him the chance to treat me this way. But now I cannot do anything about it instead face the reality.

    Anyway I know no point regretting and thinking over what he did. I have to at least think about my own self and yes I will definitely not let him reach me ever again and I will make sure that he cannot find any information about me.

    It’s not at all easy for me to come out of this and unfortunately day by day Its not getting better for me but  am trying my best to be strong.

    ” Don’t give him your blessing or your forgiveness” – No Anita I am definitely not.

    I don’t think I want to work here anymore. I will try to move out from my country or else I will definitely leave my current work place and move out to a different place. Working in the same office will not help me to recover and things might get worst.

    Thank you so much Anita – I never thought I will find my  Guardian Angels online. You all have been a great support and strength to me. Hugs







    Dear Risha:

    I read just a few words from your recent post because I am in a hurry. You are welcome and thank you for the appreciation and the hugs! I will be back in about sixteen hours to read and reply to you, Take good care of yourself!



    Thanks Anita, This has indeed destroyed my confidence and self esteem. I feel worthless and helpless. I want to go somewhere and forget everything but it wont happen that fast. I cant get out of the fact that he rejected me for someone else. It hurts a lot. I am not feeling better at all.



    Hugs Risha,

    Even though you are very sad and hurting right now,  I am so glad you are not with him (or his parents).  One day,  likely sooner than you think,  you will count your blessings tto be rid of him.   Now you can look forward to meeting somebody worthy of you.


    He is a Baby Man,  still tied to his mothers apron strings.  I pity this girl who is with him.   He will treat her the same as he has treated you,  and it will be harder for her to be rid of him.


    There is a better future ahead for you.


    Dear Risha:

    You wrote that he and the situation made you feel worthless and “has destroyed my confidence and self esteem”.

    I want to look at this, this early morning: how can it possibly be that he destroyed your self esteem, making you feel worthless. Please pay attention and follow my thinking in this long post:

    1. The way he was, the person he has been before he met you had nothing to do with you and your worth, he didn’t meet you yet, so his values, his preferences, his honesty or lack of, his motivations, none of these had anything to do with you. You do agree with this, don’t you?

    2. The way he was with you during the seven years relationship and since then, after he met you, had a whole lot to do with who he was (#1) and therefore had… nothing to do with you and your worth. Do you agree with that?

    3. He chose another woman for his future wife and not you because his parents told him that you are too old, being six years older than him. Does your age makes you worthless? If so, is his future wife also going to be worthless when she is 32 (the age you met him), which is, if I remember correctly, in 4 years? How about me, am I worthless being older than her and you?

    4. Maybe you feel worthless because of your part in the relationship, for having been a fool, as you stated yourself, for making these mistakes in thinking and behaving, examples:

    -You didn’t understand who he was, thinking he was very sensitive while he used dramatics so to dishonestly manipulate you.

    -You thought he protected you while he possessed you (but not for the purpose of marrying you).

    -You tested him repeatedly by pushing him away, blocking him to see if he will stay away. When he returned to you, you thought it meant he will never leave you. That turned out to be the wrong testing.  (The right testing would have been to insist that he brings you to his parents, announce to them in your presence that he will marry you, give them the chance to approve right there and then, and then proceed to marry you regardless).

    Let’s say you feel worthless for these mistakes I mentioned above, these misunderstandings. Think of this: let’s say you are good at what you do at work, as an employee. This is because you have experience in the area of work, you learned and improved over time, kept learning and got good at it, correct? Same in relationships, if you don’t learn with experience, how can you be good at it, how can you know evaluate people and relationships unless you experience and learn?

    This kind of knowledge is not something you are born with. You have to learn it. Therefore you are not worthless for not knowing what is yet to be learned. Here is a crazy example: a person never saw an elephant, goes to the zoo, points to an elephant and exclaims: what is that?

    Will you say this person is worthless because he doesn’t know it is an elephant?

    No, he has never seen an elephant, how is he to know?

    Same with you, you didn’t have enough experience in relationships to know how to evaluate a man and how to proceed in a relationship so that it is likely to end in marriage, if that is what you want. You didn’t know.

    Now you know more, you have the opportunity to learn.

    * Also,  I agree with HoneyBlossom: “He will treat her the same as he has treated you”. I would expand it to he is already treating her the same. The reasons why I believe so are #1 and #2 above.





    Hi Honey Blossom,

    Thanks for your kind words, ‘I am so glad you are not with him (or his parents)’ – Yes his parents were very rude to me from the beginning. His mother called and told I’m too old for her son. Early this year  his Father called me  and threatened me to stop the relationship and he was aware of what his parents did but he told he will never leave me no matter what.

    So I don’t deserve such treatment because I am coming from a different background and my parents are very kind and humble.

    Thanks once again honey blossom! Thanks for you blessings and I appreciate your kindness.



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