November 12, 2018 at 6:02 am #236491
How are you???
anitaNovember 15, 2018 at 9:50 am #236991
Hi Anita, How r u?
Even with time i dont feel much better. I feel that my situation has become worst n i still feel down. Im unable to forget the beyrayal. But i was quiet n didnt want to tell anyone bcoz i didnt knw what to say or do.
One week ago he came to my office and brought a thread with a wish to be tied in my mosque. He told me to tie this in my mosque and he said its our wish which we made for each other when we were together. But i didnt accept it coz i dont knw what his wish is exactly.
So he went away. After few days i connected my social media account eventhough i have blocked him on all communication modes i never deleted him so i connected and he knew i got im active. So after one day he started posting few random pics of him and his family taking gifts and going to his new girls place. I was so hurt to see that. In the meantime he posted few pics of his trip which he went with his friends and she has commented saying ‘ someone is enjoying since its his last bachelors trip’ meaning they have planned everything abt their wedding. I saw all these n got very angry and i deleted him off immediately.
He has planned everything with her and brings n gives me a wish saying its our wish. I dont understand hes playing with my feelings. Also i saw he has liked his ex girl friends pics. He deleted her bcoz of me but after he left me he has agsin connected with her. Same day he realized i deleted him n he sent me a friend requesr again. The next day he himself cancel the request again.
I just cant beleive if i had loved such a person. All in all i still cant tolarate what he did to me.
If he at least cared for me he shouldnt have shared pics of his visit to her place. It really hurts me.
Nothing seems working for me to move on. Im just tired of everything Anita.
Im so glad that u remembered me. Really appreciate ur kindness.
RishaNovember 15, 2018 at 10:27 am #237005
Yes, I remember you, of course I do. And I am fine, thank you for asking.
I wish things were different for you, I wish he did not contact you and that you didn’t have access to his pictures on social media. I do hope things will get better for you. I am looking forward to the day I will read from you that you feel better, that you arrived at some peace of mind.
anitaNovember 15, 2018 at 2:24 pm #237031
“All in all i still cant tolarate what he did to me.”
Good. You should never tolerate that behaviour from anyone, ever. You didn’t deserve it, nor do you deserve the pain you are feeling now. Never lose sight that this is on HIM and not you. You have done nothing.
Block his social media. This is an important step. Otherwise you will keep creeping on things that your heart doesn’t need to see.November 15, 2018 at 8:23 pm #237065
Hi Anita and Michelle,
I so wish if I could come out of this mess soon. Yes I have deleted and blocked him from everything but once in way he rings my extension but I ignore and sometimes he comes to my office entrance in the evenings..looks at me and goes away.
He has moved very fast with her and I saw his family looking very happy in those pics that he shared. I think he is expecting a lot from me. He wants my blessings in all what he does. Whatever he does he wants me to accept and smile.
It has been a practice for me to cry at least once a day coz whenever I think I feel down. So I am trying my best to forget him.
Anyways thank you so much for your kindness Anita and Michelle…really appreciate it. I will keep you posted as how I feel in few days. Until then take care of yourselves and hugs to both of you.
RishaNovember 16, 2018 at 4:58 am #237101
You are welcome and thank you for the good wishes and hugs.
I figure it is hard to forget him when he shows up at your work place and looks at you. I wish there was a way for you to prevent him from showing up there.
Looking forward to your updates, anytime you wish, please do post.
anitaNovember 16, 2018 at 10:19 am #238021
He is looking for your forgiveness/blessing so that HE can move on without guilt.
I’m of the opinion that you don’t necessarily need to forgive everyone in life. Some actions are unforgivable. Don’t do anything to accommodate his needs any more, always focus on yourself first. I still feel he is being manipulative with all this (as was my ex, it’s predictable behaviour).November 17, 2018 at 4:56 am #238135
Hi Anita and Michelle,
I had to attend a farewell dinner of my ex boss on Thursday night. There was a guy whom my ex never liked in office and that person use to like me sometime ago. However he’s married now and he too was invited to this party but I didn’t know until I saw him that night. This person tried to reach me several times to say hi to me but I somehow managed to avoid him totally.
So my so-called ex boyfriend somehow got to know that I attended this party and also that other person was also invited. So he sent me an email last night accusing me saying that I have been hanging out with that other person that night and that he had dropped me home which is not true. Also he mentioned that he now thinks that he took the right decision in his life by letting me go.
It was so hurtful to read that email. He left me for his own reasons and now accusing me and blaming me. I couldn’t tolerate it so I unblocked him on whatsapp and sent him a voice note asking him to stop torturing me and told him all what I felt and to leave me alone. I was almost tearing while talking but I had to send that and again I blocked him off. but before I blocked he messaged me saying he doesn’t want to hear anything and for me to leave his life and to go and hang on to the other person and do whatever I want. Also he has mentioned that will tell my family about the other man.
So thereafter I blocked him again. I feel terribly hurt and miserable. Since then I feel so down again. How could he make such statements about me and he made me a characterless person.
He’s just finding reasons to move on by blaming me. Now I wonder why did I even send that voice note coz he is a heartless person whatever I said wouldn’t matter to him. I am very disappointed the way he has treated me, I hope nobody should ever experience this kind of selfish treatment. I am very hurt inside he just destroyed all my happiness. I feel worthless and lost.
RishaNovember 17, 2018 at 6:12 am #238155
I am not a psychiatrist or a medical doctor of any kind, but I feel comfortable enough to state that this man, your ex boyfriend is insane. Not selfish but making no sense.
So you see, when you are “very hurt”, feeling “worthless and lost”, you are giving an insane man the power to determine your worth. No need for you to feel lost because an insane man expresses his insanity to you!
Don’t you see that he is not well, mentally, to the point of having little to no concept of reality (that he has a girlfriend, that he is about to marry her, that he told you to move on, to forgive him and move on, etc., etc.)?
anitaNovember 17, 2018 at 6:57 am #238175
I know Anita he has mentally drained me. I really cant believe if I loved such a confused person. But he never liked me mingling or hanging out with anyone. He always caged me saying this and that and proving that he was protecting me.
I’m totally tired of everything. I really don’t think I could trust someone ever again coz this relationship has disappointed me in many ways. I have to come to point where I don’t understand the meaning of Love and trust.
when you are “very hurt”, feeling “worthless and lost”, you are giving an insane man the power to determine your worth – I know Anita I don’t know why am I affected by his unrealistic statements. But he always does this to me.
I hope after the message I sent him last night he wouldn’t bother me ever again. I hope he realized the pain I was going through.
RishaNovember 17, 2018 at 7:05 am #238179
“I hope he realized the pain I was going through”- I think that if you wait for him to realize your pain, you will be waiting for a long, long time, and then even longer. I don’t think it makes sense that you express to him your pain because I don’t think he can see further than whatever motivates him, which is not your pain.
I hope he lets go of you and that you let go of him.
anitaNovember 21, 2018 at 11:08 pm #240143
You’re so right even after explaining him last week to stop bothering me and to leave me alone he again called me couple of times yesterday and have dropped me a email saying ” I have failed and I have betrayed our love by going to that party” and he has used some abusive words asking if that other person dropped me home after the party. Whatever he has said didn’t affect me though so I just ignored. I mean whatever I do now shouldn’t be a concern of his coz he’s the one who left me with his so -called decision. But I really don’t understand why is he behaving this way.
My friends wants me to complain about him to his parents or to his new girlfriend so that he stops torturing me but I really don’t want to fall into their level coz even his family is very selfish and that girl too looks very easy going not bothered. So I don’t want to talk to any of them. But sometimes I wonder if I should tell his parents or should I completely ignore.
RishaNovember 22, 2018 at 8:45 am #240337
Do what you need to do to help yourself, to prevent further distress, whatever works. If telling his parents will do that, do so.
He is not acting rationally, and I don’t know if it is because he is unable to think rationally or if he feels good doing what he is doing.
Please take good care of yourself. If you don’t, who will?
anitaFebruary 5, 2019 at 7:33 pm #278877
Hi Anita, How are you? Its been sometime since I came online. I hope you remember me? unfortunately I haven’t still got over my issue and am still badly hurt.
Last time that I wrote to you he was bothering me by calling me and in December end he has sent a message to my sister blaming me and have told that I have contacts with some married people and that’s why his parents didn’t like me, Also he has mentioned that he lied to me about having a new girlfriend and he didn’t like the way I was reacting. I was so sad and worried to hear all these stuff from my family. So my sis has immediately called him and scolded him saying not to bother me again and not to tarnish my character. she has told him knowing her for 7 good years and at the last minute how could you accuse her with such things. But she has spoken to him very badly coz she was so hurt for all what I had to go thru.
My sis is very tough and I can imagine how rude she would have been. so I called him after couple of days and asked him why he did that to me and he said he wanted to protect me. I was so annoyed and I told him not to bother me again and I asked him about what he told my sis that he was lying about the other girl. Then he told me after my sis spoke he took the decision of getting married to her but I already told him that I still love him but he said sorry you’re sis was so rude and I really don’t wanna work things out. So again he basically blamed me and my family. from the other side I saw him posting pics with that girls family and all his family members are in her profile and they are together. I was so sad. he has gone too far with her and tells my sister that its a lie by blaming me and tells me that he will marry her bcoz my family was rude to him.
he’s twisting the stories here and there so I warned him not to bother me ever again and after that I sent him a email also. Then he replied me saying he doesn’t understand English and to explain it to him word by word in his mother tongue. I was so hurt to receive such respond but didn’t write him back. Thereafter its been one month he has not tried to get in touch with me.
I know I wanted him to stop bothering me but deep down my heart im so sad and hurt when he’s quiet too. I know hes not gonna come back to me ever and I should face the reality but I don’t know how to move on I feel lonely and I miss him badly.
coming to work is like killing me. I use to cry everyday at work and I finally dicided to get some help from a therapist coz I knew I was depressed. The therapist was very kind and she was sad for the time I have wasted in this relationship and also she was not happy that I have taken a very long time for grieving since last September. Since she wants me to come out of this mess fast she has prescribed me some anti depression medication but im not very happy to take it. However I feel very low and sometimes feel like taking it coz I want t live my normal life.
Nobody knows that I consulted a therapist and im not gonna tell any of my family or friendsFebruary 6, 2019 at 7:05 am #278933
Of course I remember you!
The best sentence for me to read in your recent post is: “it’s been one month he has not tried to get in touch with me”.
I am sad that you continued to interact with him, feeling hurt every time, and yet interacting with him once again, sort of… getting into the lion’s cage in a zoo and having your arm bitten off, then going back into the cage to have your other arm bitten off.
Will you be seeing the therapist you saw again or was it a one time session?