Dear Chanel:

You are welcome.

Regarding your suggestions in the second paragraph: experiment with these things and evaluate the results. My former therapist used to suggest that a lot: experiment, try this and that and see how it works.

Regarding your first paragraph: when psychotherapy works, it works because of a safe relationship between client and therapist. Being helped is not possible without a safe relationship, one where you trust the therapist to never be aggressive to you, never disrespectful. One where the therapist is empathetic toward you, seeing you (you are visible), understanding what you are saying, repeating what he heard, checking with you if he understood correctly, then furthering your understanding.

Potentially, a relationship with a boyfriend can be safe, for the same reasons I stated above. It can be a place of healing, but the boyfriend has to be available enough to attend to you when he is present with you, at the least (like a therapist), see you, hear you, validate you, etc.

If you can have a healing relationship with your boyfriend, that will be good. Not that he could be your therapist, not at all possible. But he can be, potentially, safe for you: always respectful, often empathetic, available to really hear you, to care to understand you correctly, and so forth.

Post anytime. Will be back to the computer in 7 hours or so.

anita