Dear Ben:

I remember your previous threads. This state of mind and life has been going on for a long time.

You wrote that “the thought of a surprise pregnancy wouldn’t send me running for the hills”- make sure your fiancé knows about this and agrees to not have children until and if your ongoing state of anxiety changes and stays changed for a long time. Then make sure a surprise pregnancy doesn’t happen.

You wrote that you pretend to your fiancé that you “have a plan and I am the guy who knows what I am doing”- consider no longer pretending to her and tell her the truth. Maybe if she knows, she will be able to help you, and the two of you will be able to help each other. (She may be more resourceful than you think)

You expressed jealousy and envy (here and previously) regarding your friends/ people your age/those in the gaming industry- consider correcting your thinking in this regard. Very often, distressed people have the distorted view that everyone else is doing oh, so well and have it all together. It just seems that way and it is an isolating way of seeing others and life.

I wish you stopped comparing yourself to others.

Your anxiety is troubling. You wrote that doctors said you are okay. Still you have to find the time to lose the weight you believe you need to lose and find a way to be calmer than you are.

anita