Dear Leocube:

You wrote to me: “I feel like your relationship with your mother is stemmed from an actual ‘abusive’ POV. I just don’t think my family is abusive towards me.”

You wrote the word abusive inside quotation marks. Maybe the word is confusing to you as it has been for me. A word is confusing if we are not sure what the word means.

If to be abused means to be beaten until we bleed, then I was not abused, and since you didn’t mention bleeding, then you were not abused either. But if the word abused means to be treated, often enough, like an object, a thing (not a person), as if you had no feelings, then maybe we were both abused.

There really is no necessity in using the word, so let’s not.

You wrote: “I don’t want to (love your parents). It’s tiring, troublesome… I just have this disgust feeling towards them… They’re a burden to my emotional health… I’m jealous of orphans because they don’t have that burden…I wish that my family would all die so that I can be at peace with myself… I just want them to disappear.

…Since I was a kid, I’ve had fantasy of my parents getting into car accident so I could live by myself”

If your parents loved you, accepted you for who you were, a child, a person whose feelings are valid and important to pay attention to and consider; if they attended to you empathetically and respectfully, would you have the thoughts and feelings you described above?

* It used to be easy to look at previous threads on the website, but it is no longer easy. I have some memory, I think, of your previous thread. Will be looking for it and if I find it, I would like to write to you more.

anita