TT…

I cannot help but think of Sir Walter Scott”s line from his work Marmion: “Oh! What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” Your husband has created a HUGE web of deceit with the woman on his project. This clearly is no secret. I am wondering if your husband was previously married and if he has children from a previous marriage. What is his pet project? His being defensive toward your inquiries and protective nature of this woman is 100% unacceptable. You are not asking him to end his project right now, or at all. I think you are asking for honest answers, which, he should be more than willing to give in the interest of saving your marriage and out of respect for you. It doesn’t look to me that he has respect for you.  There have been some hints of pursuing the Big D. Some people advocate for this, some have their reasons not to. When you step on a piece of broken glass, you don’t leave that piece of glass in, you take it out so you can heal. However, know this; if it does come down to a divorce, he is still a father and his responsibilities to your daughter do not get him off the proverbial hook, which it seems to me that is how he sees it. Many men, and I mean a HUGE number of men who go through a divorce that involve children behave this cowardly way. This is truly a reflection on the divorced husband’s character. I don’t know TT, just a random thought of mine. But because many divorced men behave in this way, be prepared for that battle as well. I am not asking you to borrow trouble in anticipating having to do with this thorn, just know the big picture. Helen Keller once said something along the lines of “What is worse than being blind is having sight without vision.” Something like that. Just have better vision as to the whole picture. My question is this; if the project ends with him coming around to you, what will your trust level be? Going into another project, will you be haunted by this game? In the event that you feel you are making progress on your marriage, how do you think you will react if he is the one who files for divorce? Maybe I should not post these scenarios, but they are real and they really should be considered to be better prepared for whatever happens. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer they say. He clearly is not on your side. He clearly is not interested in defending your marriage. These are just some thoughts TT, however dark they may be. Then again this situation is not a pretty picture. It never is. You are a strong woman TT. Show it. You are an amazing mother I’m sure. Give that strength to your daughter. I was in Afghanistan for a little more than 13 months. I always wondered why it was that I got 3 letters during that time. When I got badly hurt, I spent 9 months paralyzed from the waste down. It took a year for me to learn to walk again. When I was able to walk again, I finally got to leave rehab in Germany and go home. When I got home, I learned why I didn’t get more letters than I would have loved getting. My now ex was doing everything newly weds do. Welcome home. Needless to say we got divorced. With nowhere to go, no job, I was another statistic of being yet another homeless vet but only for about 3 months, may have been less, I forgot. In a cynical way I used to say that the best thing I got out of marriage was me. I say this because there have been countless of doors open to me, I met some beautiful people, obviously on the site for one, my relationship with my daughter was in tact, I made damn sure of that. I have been so much happier since then, far beyond my wildest dreams. You ARE strong. Show it.

Pearce