We get stuck in this mindset that we need to have things all perfectly lined up to be happy. But life is MESSY. You never know what is going to happen. Sometimes good things happen, sometimes terrible things happen, there’s no way to control every little detail. You could find the perfect husband and then the next day he gets hit by a car! You never know!

I can very much empathize with how you feel. I don’t even have a boyfriend! I used to feel so sad and insecure about being single. I used to drive myself insane trying to make myself look thin and pretty and I’d go on dates with men with this fake bubbly persona put on so that they’d like me and agonize over every text they would send me and fall to pieces crying when they would eventually leave me because they could smell my desperation from ten miles away. I would feel worthless and ugly and I could not figure out why nothing was ever working out. My parents would express their pity for me and I’d spiral into despair wondering why I was so unlovable.

It took a lot of introspective digging to understand the causes of my insecurities and eventually I came out the other side realizing that my need for external validation was a delusion and there is nobody in the world that can make me feel truly happy besides me.

You need to find contentment with who you are as a person before you can be happy in a marriage. I would recommend you start spending some time alone. Explore some hobbies, read, meditate, get really comfortable with who you are. When you are comfortable being alone, you won’t be so bothered by what other people think of you. You won’t find yourself falling apart at other people’s weddings because you won’t be comparing yourself to them.

Good luck!