Some fast update:

I am still so mad at myself for allowing all this drama to come into my life. I tried to keep distance but after many “please let’s go out for the last time” and his theatrical play that “I am ok now, I want to be friend with you, only that, and talk from time to time as adults” I fell into the trap to talk to him again.

He was quite distant for some days so I hoped it was over BUT then again the drama started. He continued to ask me about my moves, where I am, with whom, If I can forgive him and give us a change and he cried again. He even started to yell at me when I told me I can not and I need to move on. He threw some stuff from the table and then he told me several insulting things. I went away cause I was afraid and stopped the ontact again. Some days afterward he told me he went to the hospital because of me and had a quite severe issue. So once again I felt into the trap to try to help him. I am not even sure though if it is truth or a lie for making me forgive him.

I tried to tell him I can not stand all this anymore that I am not in love anymore and he insists to simply talk as friends and we will see if it will happen or not – and in the meantime, he simply acts like I am his gf still. He is texting all time and pretends to be nice and after a while he starts again. I feel really awful and desperate with all this “war’. The crusade, as Anita wisely had said.

I started psychotherapy to help me understand why I am so afraid and with so low self-esteem and I can not cut him off completely but still it does not help.

I feel I lose my mind. I had started dating someone and I was feeling happy before all these but now I am frozen, sad and weak and I can not go on with my life. There is a constant battle and I keep on going from sad to angry and then again the same. Whenever I try to stop talking he is telling me he needs to stay calm cause he is sick and blames me that he will go again to the hospital because of me.  I feel like my life has been ruined again – like I am nothing anymore.

I am sorry for writing these here – I really not know what to do. I am generally a strong and determined person with great family and career and friends. First time I do feel so awful and I blame myself for allowing this – it is now 4 months with constant argues and I am exhausted and desperate 🙁

• This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by Mepina.