You know there is a saying that you must first love yourself and I’m thinking that may apply here. You’ve made some references about waiting for a man, but I don’t think it actually works like that. Whether its doing activities or online dating, some proactivity is needed.

2 years ago I was betrayed by my husband and partner of 17 years. I still don’t feel ready to date. I feel too wounded and not in a good place to bring a healthy relationship into my life, so I am working on me, getting my self-esteem back up and my life in order so I am in a good place to bring a good relationship into my life. Happy people want to be around happy people.

I did date someone for a coupe of months last spring and he was critical, bossy and not supportive. I realized that since my self esteem was low and I was lonely in a new town that I was accepting this. Luckily it didn’t last and I recognize it and am determined to not do that again. I’m not ready to date because my self esteem isn’t strong.

I was going to counseling after the divorce, but like you couldn’t keep paying for it. So instead, I find things to read, videos to watch, I walk and garden. I recommend reading Brenee Brown. If you don’t want to buy books, she has videos online from her TedTalks. I find lots of good TedTalks. I also listen to podcasts. Seek things on the subject of self-esteem, healing past trauma. I have also found good stuff related to the subject of bulling, particularly memoirs. I find it cathartic to know others have felt the same way and have overcome their past.

I too was bullied as a kid and found that my husbands meanness and betrayal brought it back up to the surface for me. I had good years combined with our relationship, my job success and family and friends where my self-esteem was good. But the end of the marriage at the same time as the death of my mother also came with having to move a long distance by myself, figuring out a new career (while being jobless) and the loss of several friendships, some due to the divorce and some to other circumstances. It like my entire life was washed away and I have started anew. I still have bad days but I have more good and I try to look at it as a fresh beginning and appreciate the progress I have made. My attitude is that I’m making a comeback! By the way, I’m 47.

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Carl Gustav Jung