Hi Eliana

thank you for your messgages, I have been feeling pretty rubbish the whole week so couldn’t reply.

I really appreciate your suggestions, i do spend alot of time alone at home and i hate it, as i do keep thinking about my breakup, mostly beating myself up about why i wasn’t strong enough to dump him years ago, why i felt i couldn’t do better and why i’m alone with no family at 36 when i never dreamt this would be my current situation. I have looked into meetup groups, to make friends, i went to one girls drinks but it never worked out, i think i may come across as over friendly/or extra needy too, because a few weeks ago a new girl joined our office, i got on with her really well, she is Irish and i mentioned i want to visit there, i tried to suggest we should go out for drinks after work, she said yes but nothing has happened, we have a good old gossip at work but i think maybe im reeking of desperation or something which in truth i am desperate as i don’t want to sit home getting more bitter everyday because i have zero social life haha.  i really am a fun girl, and love to joke and my 1 girlfriend and i have a good time together when she can afford to come out with me, if she had a job and her life together i would be more satisfied with her as a friend as her financial situation hold me back from having the other life experiences i want  (that might sound a bit rude )

I am religious actually, i would love to meet like minded Christians for friendships/dating but no luck so far.

I also wish it was more like the 80s even the 90s as dating and friends was just easier to do. I guess i can be doom and gloom and its hard for me to see any positivity or optimism about my future. Prayer is supposed to help, i have tried but its something i want to actually commit to properly as i can’t believe this is my lot in life.

Thank you for your optimism and wise words, i appreciate it Eliana