fbpx
Menu

sunseeker1

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #154568
    sunseeker1
    Participant

    Hi Mark

    thank you for your reply.

    Yes you are right i can always love myself,  I thought I did but actually i don’t through the actions and thoughts i have.

    I like the way you make a list  with strategies on how to change for improve yourself. Weightloss is one thing i want o do but i think there are more things i can improve on.

    I agree that moving forward can be gradual, i would hope by this time next year i’m not feeling the way I feel today, however it might take longer too.

    I think whats making me depressed is loneliness, feeling i have wasted my life so far as I have made zero progress on anything worthwhile, putting my trust in someone and accepting situations others would run from, wanting a man that obviously doesn’t want me in the same way but i can’t bring myself to admit it or leave him alone, these things trouble me and go around in my head everyday that i find i hard to concentrate at work and on top of that would love to have friends to talk to about my feelings and to laugh with and essentially enjoy my life, rather then it seems i’m on a an endless road with no turnings to get off.

    Thank for your kind thoughts Mark

     

    #154566
    sunseeker1
    Participant

    Hi Eliana

    thank you for your messgages, I have been feeling pretty rubbish the whole week so couldn’t reply.

    I really appreciate your suggestions, i do spend alot of time alone at home and i hate it, as i do keep thinking about my breakup, mostly beating myself up about why i wasn’t strong enough to dump him years ago, why i felt i couldn’t do better and why i’m alone with no family at 36 when i never dreamt this would be my current situation. I have looked into meetup groups, to make friends, i went to one girls drinks but it never worked out, i think i may come across as over friendly/or extra needy too, because a few weeks ago a new girl joined our office, i got on with her really well, she is Irish and i mentioned i want to visit there, i tried to suggest we should go out for drinks after work, she said yes but nothing has happened, we have a good old gossip at work but i think maybe im reeking of desperation or something which in truth i am desperate as i don’t want to sit home getting more bitter everyday because i have zero social life haha.  i really am a fun girl, and love to joke and my 1 girlfriend and i have a good time together when she can afford to come out with me, if she had a job and her life together i would be more satisfied with her as a friend as her financial situation hold me back from having the other life experiences i want  (that might sound a bit rude )

     

    I am religious actually, i would love to meet like minded Christians for friendships/dating but no luck so far.

    I also wish it was more like the 80s even the 90s as dating and friends was just easier to do. I guess i can be doom and gloom and its hard for me to see any positivity or optimism about my future. Prayer is supposed to help, i have tried but its something i want to actually commit to properly as i can’t believe this is my lot in life.

    Thank you for your optimism and wise words, i appreciate it Eliana

    #154562
    sunseeker1
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    thank you for your reply, I have been feeling very low and wasn’t up to doing much this week.

    I hadn’t heard of  the Serenity Prayer.thank you for posting it, as it is very comforting and actually i agree that I need to have the courage to accept what I can’t change and change the things I can. It all sounds so simple yet seems like a huge mental task for me.

    The weightloss issue of mine is something that unfortunately take a long time to conquer. When i’m feeling low and lonely or have bad news i have to really fight to refrain from seeking comfort in junk food, because i feel horrible about my actions after eating this rubbish, i also go to weightwatchers and i usually have been losing weight steadily, but on these blowout out days if i put on weight i hate myself as i committed to follow this diet to improve my health and body.

     

     

    I agree that i should stop seeing the long term ex of mine. This again is hard as in the back of my mind i’m wishing him to realise how good we could be together and also for him to value me. I don’t know why i’m so focused on him to the point i dream about him alot, dream about him texting me, i even dreamt he was out for drinks with female work colleagues and i was so jealous in the dream, when i woke up i was feeling really angry and jealous as if this had really happened! this is a totally ridiculous thing for me to have done, i know that.

    I guess because i’m in a panic right now i find it hard to totally take on board what you said about not just making do with any man because i cant get the one i want. My self worth must be at an all time low. I know life just isnt fair and nobody said it would be, i just feel so tired of it and would love just 1 thing that i want e.g. a family of my own to just work out for me.

    Thanks so much Anita

    #97379
    sunseeker1
    Participant

    Hi Matty
    thanks for your message you really took the time to break it all down,i do appreciate your time!!

    I like your suggestions regarding blogging, i could do this now, i think i am worried nobody would be interested in my voice in a crowd of voices, but i know this is self fulfilling and defeats, i just need to stop thinking that way and JUST DO IT!

    I get what you’re saying about not quitting my job/getting a plan together, yes i would want to plan out my next move, but also sometimes i overthink/overplan and actions doesn’t happen. This i could improve on.

    The part about networking with old contacts i can try, i don’t know too many people i think because im not good at making friends or networking again shyness/fear holds me back from speaking up, im also unsure about how to actually initiate the conversation, you mentioned asking for opinions rather than im stuck please help, i can certainly give this a try too.

    Your reply was really great for giving me clarity and things to consider, i just need to take action, i dread to think i could be in the same position in February 2017, that makes me more depressed LOL

    Thanks Matty 🙂

    #97378
    sunseeker1
    Participant

    Hi Anita
    thank you for your reply!! 🙂
    it’s so good to get this written out and to hear opinions from strangers, my friends are totally useless in giving me advice and i can’t stand it
    i really appreciate it. I was thinking about it and i agree it is FEAR – fear has pretty much taken control of me and ultimately its the dear of failing and worse case scenario’s that plague me and my actions. i never admitted this before.
    i think i had success when i was younger and then tried to build on it and nothing happened and when i flash forward to say, 10 years later i have nearly convinced myself that if i was to try again that it wouldn’t work and isn’t worth it because it didn’t work before and perhaps im waiting my time and time is moving so fast…
    i agree we all feel it i suspect some people hide it better than others, i wish i could learn to do that, i think you’re right courage is important and hard to do, i look back at when i was younger and fresher with less experience and more optimism and i had more courage than now, i would like to be like that again.

    #97185
    sunseeker1
    Participant

    Hi dreaming 715

    I feel your frustration/anger with this guy, I know how you feel as I experienced this with ex boyfriends and my own girlfriends, in fact only yesterday i finally told a so called friend how i have had enough of her constant judgement of me and her arrogance and superiority complex and how i never judged her to the extent she did to me My aim was to try and discuss the issue and get past this, but clearly she didn’t care about our friendship, her response was personal attacks at my weight and throwing in that im old unmarried and childless.

    Well i was hurt briefly but you know what i am actually very happy that i gave her a piece of my mind because it removed all doubt about who she was and i am able to move on. I wish i told her years ago rather than be her friend and listen to her endless break up stories and career problems, but that is what i’m working on now- to not harbour upset but to clear the air as soon as possible.

    The other posters on the forum are correct- yes you may want your ex to realize what an idiot he is and you may want to punish him or something via letter or text and it will make you feel good- maybe for a few minutes but unfortunately i think it is true that he couldn’t care less as he hasn’t bothered replying you. My ex friend did the same to me and people like that do this maybe to show they feel they have some kind of power or really that they have moved on and don’t care.

    Some of us in life really care too much, we have empathy perhaps lots of it, I know I do but now I’m taking control of my life to just not care so much anymore and to give a piece of my mind more when i feel someone is trying to undermine me or take advantage.

    I am happy you have released him physically and mentally from your life, i wish you all the best for the future!

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)