Manders I will continue my post but want to start another at the moment. How long can I continue this thread and ask for help? I dream of doing the work to change things but something always comes up. Right now I am dealing with physical pain.
I never learned how to have a life. I thought if I worked hard and behaived myself that good things would come to me but they haven’t. I am not on the street but that is always following not too far behind me. I have no security. I am jealous that other women are the subject of men’s concerns. I appreciate everyone who has posted but have you noticed no men have? They just don’t care.
Anita I am sorry that you have to deal with something that is uncomfortable for you but I admire you so much that you can give so much to other people. I want to be able to do that but just feel resentful if I am going to be honest about being alone. I could help people I am sure but I can not get past my sadness over my situation in life. It’s like I need someone next to me telling me what to do all the time. All I know how to do is survive and feeling love, happiness, joy, fun…they are luxuries I am not allowed to have. I don’t know why. I guess I accepted a long time ago after numerous letdowns and disappoinments that I am not allowed to experience those things and I am simply demanding or searching for someone to be able to tell me why?? If I have to live like this than why do I have to. I believe men think nothing of me and I don’t want to hear about what I am doing wrong. I want to know why???? If I am sentenced to this existense than I feel I have the right to know why. Part of my punishment it seems is not having the right to say it’s not my fault. They can think nothing of me, treat me unfairly, or like I am some sort of nuisance and I am to take the blame.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 