Hi Zeba,

It looks like you have received some great advice. I just wanted to comment a little on your post. The first thing I wanted to comment on is communication style and your relating to him under so stressful situations. You said “Is that why you ignored me and did not want to come? You **should have** told me you had plans. It would not mattered. But why did you ignore me?

This immediately will put anyone on the defensive. Try to avoid using “should have” statements, because it will only cause the other person to get very defensive and verbally attack you back. It’s a no win situation. A vicious cycle. Another one is “why did you ignore me” again, shifting the blame to him, when there is no fact to prove this is true, you are “fortune telling” and “mind reading” again, putting him on the defensive, making him want to hurt you back.

Instead, use “I feel” statements. “It made me feel left out and sad that I was not included” I would like to be made to feel like part of your life more” instead of “why did you ignore me”. I think it all boils down to a breakdown and unhealthy communication styles. A professional conflict resolution therapist can teach better ways to talk to someone to express your needs.

With that being said. No woman should ever, ever be emotionally, verbally or physically abused. You said you had a good relationship with your parents, please get to a safe place immediately, because it will only escalate and I fear for your safety. Can you move in with your parents or go to a domestic violence shelter? Just get away from this man, he is dangerous. Avoid all future contact with him. He may apologize and say he will get better, but willpower alone will not make him better without anger management treatment.