Hi Dawn, Thank you so much for your kind words..ive been struggling for a really long time..Anita can attest to that :/..its been really tough for me. I can only be thankful for this to be able to talk about it. I dont want to be a victim but i fell into that very very familiar female trap of being too patient, too nice and devoted. I had my precious time wasted by a callous man who has all the time in the world.

Its tough to explain to people who have kids, that being without is probably harder. I am effectively excluded from life. There are some women who will not talk to me because they dont think they should bother, there are some who think i am not a serious adult because i havent had kids…some of them behave more childish than their teenagers! there are some who feel embarrassed to invite me to things because they are bringing their kids..and its kind of true, we are in different tribes. There are the people who dismiss my authority about any subject by asking if i have children, as if..if i hadnt, i have lived half a life….would they guess i CAN have kids? because if you said that to someone who couldnt it would seem pretty mean spirited right?…Its a club, and all those inside are allowed to moan about how their kids test them and make life difficult, and yet have wonderful moments where their kids cheer them up..brighten up their day, their ego is elevated by the achievements and compliments the kids get, they feel a real purpose to their life no matter what happens, and of course ultimately its being part of a family unit…i dont have that.

I dont think i would make an unhappy person if i wasnt constantly trampled on. I was devoted to my boyfriend and always happy to be around him and i would probably have been devoted to my kids.  Its just my bad fortune that has sent me this way..in fact, i hear my ex is the one who is unhappy again but thats another personality issue. You can’t fill a void in your heart by constantly looking for new women when the one you are with doesnt do everything you want.

Anita, i think you could be right in that people make a guess that i must be angry and dont want to talk to them. I suppose it could also have a lot to do with my misfortune, who wants to hang out with a loser when life is tough enough? I try to be friendly but if you dont have a big bubbly personality and popularity you can forget it. I guess the only good thing about getting older is that you start to care less. The pain and sadness is something i can deal with on my own, the last thing i would do is use other people to avoid my issues, that is what my ex does.