Hi Nepenthe64,

We all have basic needs in a relationship. One is communication. Without communication, and him shutting down more and more and making you look like the bad guy, the relationship can’t survive. We have the basic need to be heard and understood, as well as respected. There again, he is not doing this by belittling you, making unkind comments. I too suffer from depression, and it it a chemical imbalance. The worst thing to say to someone is “just snap out of it!” “stop feeling sorry for yourself!”. This is emotionally abusive and highly disrespectful on his part. For any relationship to work, both people have to invest time and energy. You are putting in 100 percent, him nothing. O percent. Nada.

It does not seem he wants to change, and you can’t fix him. Only he can change, but he has to want to. And he needs to have to have better communication skills. Another basic need in any relationship is a need for love, a touch, a hug, affection..again..he is putting in no effort, even cruelly disrespecting you, that he likes another woman. Please. Let her deal with him. You deserve better. He shows no interest in your needs, or emotional support for you. Instead, he could try to do some research on depression, instead of saying something he knows nothing about and sweeping under the carpet, humiliating you by saying he is “just trying to motivate you” how is saying “stop pitying yourself” motivating? He makes no effort at all in this relationship, and it has become stagnant. You deserve to be with a loving, stable, respectful, caring and mature man..not a little boy.