Dear Anita,

1. “You are afraid that if you expressed to your ex your hurt or sadness, that he would feel guilty or a burden, correct?”

Yes, this is correct. I shut myself down when we broke up, I did not say anything. I pushed inside all of my feelings, all my anger, sadness, and upset feelings. I remember that the only sentence I said to him was  : “I am disappointed in you.”

I cannot even cry in front of him, my ex back then told me in the eyes and said that he knew that I would cry after this (after he dropped me off in my house) and that me smiling (I was smiling to hold my tears from coming) was me pretending to be fine. He saw me through.

2. “Can you tell me what this “cry for help” was about? Are you still crying for help, presently?”

The break up was tough, I was (mentally) dying inside. I seek help from almost everyone. From kind stranger like you, my best friends, my old HS teachers, my parents, and I remember praying to God.  But I feel like no matter how many advices or supporting words that I got from anyone, it never relief my emptiness and my pain. Everyday was hell and everyday was painful. I decided that the relief that I am looking for – only my ex partner can give it to me. Through that birthday message, he brought me back to life, as I already wrote above. I am slowly getting better after receiving that message. It finally felt like a real nice closure.

*I mentioned that I am still “protecting” my ex with his secret and the relationship was exhausting due to him being stressed out about his life and studies. Is there any correlations between me feeling this way right now and that?

*I do not understand why it is so hard to “forgive” or let go of the situation?

*I do not understand why I am still looking out and putting his happiness above mine?

Would love to hear advices x

-Mina

• This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Mina.