Dear Mina:

Yes, I think it is connected. It is a very common view, a social convention, that you are a Someone IF you get a certain education, a career, an income, a financial position, people’s esteem for having the education, income, career. This view is far from being your parents’ unique view. I hear it often from wealthy and from not wealthy people.

Thing is, problem with it is that it causes lots of pain in the “Nobodies” of this world and (!) in all the Somebodies figuring they are Nobodies in comparison to those who are wealthier, have more material goods, bigger houses, have been in a more expensive vacation spot and so on.

Like you wrote in your last line, it is about getting other people’s approval, other people’s esteem. Everyone is looking for other people’s approval, even the other people.

I suppose you sacrifice what did not get you approval already, what got you disapproval, such things that seemed to your parents as incongruent with getting that education, career, income, material goods.

anita