Dear Mina:

Regarding the first, sacrificing what got you disapproval, an example: a parent disapproves of a child crying, making fun of the child when she cries. The child learns that crying and the sadness leading to crying is shameful and sacrifices her… right to feel sad and express it. So she continues to shame herself when she feels sad, and she puts on a happy face, smiling when she feels like crying. She does so at first to win her mother’s approval. (Because we can’t put away our feelings, her sadness develops into depression and dysfunction, the price of her sacrifice)

Regarding the second, you feeling guilty for leaving your ex boyfriend behind, knowing how hard his life is: you expressed this guilt before. I don’t know what it is about, its origin. The answer may be in your relationship with your mother, with your father, or in observing the relationship between the two of them. I have very little to no information about these three categories. Nor do I have information about the nature of your relationship with your ex boyfriend, what was it like, the interactions, and so  on.

anita