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Hi Cranberry,
He has forgiven you. You made mistakes, we all do in relationships. Relationships are complicated and difficult. But you can’t punish yourself, or the “the what it’s” “should have” “if only” because you will make yourself miserable. It’s all in the past now, all you can do is know that you loved and were lived when alot of people have never experienced something that beautiful. Your mistakes will make you stronger and grow, so you are better able to have a stable relationship again. Write down the issues you had and bring them up in counseling.
I am sure you and your ex can be friends again someday. Try not to be too hard on yourself and look forward to becoming healthier and to a better future.