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Dear Cali Sister,
I am very sorry for your suffering and it sounds extremely stressful for you. It is very hard to handle these feelings and it hurts you tremendously. Cali, may I call you that? I have just a few questions, seeing as this is a pretty loaded subject. This is your life after all.
1. You said you have a hard time at work. Is this because you are not happy with your job? Are there people there who bother you?
2. You explain that you are very restless as you progress through your job. What kind of work do you do? What is it about your job that you feel anxious about it? When you worry about getting worried in the afternoon, it often amplifies your anxiety. Try to pinpoint the cause of that anxiety, without putting too much pressure on yourself, Cali.
3. Not everyone is proud of our actions, especially under the influence. Is one of the people you texted drunkenly this Y man?
4. You say that you do not feel adequate enough in life because of past circumstances and experiences. Is this anxiety similar to the anxiety you feel at work? Or is the cause, this man?
5. You tell us that you completely ignore this man when you invite him, yell at him to get away from him and then beg him to not leave you and give a second chance. First off, this sounds heartbreaking because your inner tension is creating these anxious feelings that well up and get out of control. It pushes people away from you when you want to be near them. You also said “the conclusion of the meeting is – “i want to see you later this week, but i need some time to think right now””. He said it right there: he wants to see you again. Use this time to not worry about what he thinks of you and to work on yourself.
No matter what happens, it will be ok, Cali. Please don’t hurt yourself.