Thanks Anita,

I do intend to seek counseling, I’m currently saving up to attend sessions. Money is a big factor but I am working on it. That’s the reason why it isn’t done yet.

My emotional guard is the need to protect my already fragile emotions by simply detaching emotion from everything. It was originally to prevent myself from being hurt by bullies, but now it affects my ability to feel joy and compassion for others.

The person is my father. He promised he wouldn’t leave and then he did. He also promised never to make me feel inferior, and yet he did. He is just full of broken promises. I was outwardly mad at him for a while, but that tapered off and now it’s just a deep feeling of emptiness. Because he left when he promised not to, it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and now I’m emotional scarred for it. I’ve talked to him about it and he repeatedly denies responsibility, placing the blame on my mother. That’s the most frustrating part of this whole thing, yet I can’t just let this go. It’s like he needs to say he screwed up in order for me to feel any better about it, which is really lame on my part. That emotional guard is preventing me from feeling compassion for the pain he feels in leaving his kid.

We talk, not regularly. We keep missing calls and never getting back to it. Texts occasionally. He came to my wedding and expressed interest in having a relationship, however, I could feel he wanted to avoid addressing the real issue.