Dear Mina:

You wrote: “Yet … I was the one he REMOVED instead?…I have a sense of confusion : why me?”

I think he removed you from his life because he is a high achiever and a perfectionist. He puts a lot of pressure on himself to take on more responsibilities than he can handle and perform them perfectly. When he fails performing perfectly he gets very discouraged, distressed. “why me?” you asked- because you expressed to him how imperfectly he performed as a boyfriend, you gave him a bad grade. Getting a bad grade at anything is very discouraging and distressing to him.

I think that this discouragement and distress is what he referred to as “negative effects” when he told you that “He felt like having a girlfriend last semester had its ‘negative’ effects on him too.”

He removed you from his life because he had better hopes for a good grade elsewhere, in his academic life, college social life, etc. He values a good grade, and you didn’t give him that.

He was no more selfish than you when you were “demanding to see him..” and wanting “to be only priority and the most important thing in his life”. (I think the latter was clear to him by your behavior, you didn’t have to state it).

I think that even if he had way more time for you, it wouldn’t have been enough for you, given the intensity of your neediness and clinginess. On the other hand, the time he did have for a girlfriend was not enough to satisfy, I am guessing, hardly any young woman.

I think he had tender, strong feelings for you, but he got very discouraged. I don’t think that the reasons for his breaking up with you are his college and military challenges and events or your last summer travel home. I think that the reason was his discouragement and distress.

anita