Anita,

I get a little bit lost in my thoughts and you go back to the issue at hand. It’s very helpful.

I remember when I was seeing a therapist, she made me write a letter to my younger self. I think the point was for her to see the evolution and to encourage compassion for myself. I really noticed then that I was hurt by my parents. Yet, if I’m not reminded of that often, I tend to forget, and just hurt myself on top of everything. It’s just mechanical. The only way I’ve found of dealing with my parents is to be as far as possible from them. I feel this might have been the reason why I travelled so much in the past three years. I’m quite restless.

But now obviously I want to settle. I’ve started having experiences of loving relationships, as you said, just very recently, with a couple of friends and my psychologist (this last one was obviously unilateral…I did have a sense of Agape when talking to her, and it made me feel safe and loved). The thing is, I think I’m still a child within, cause if I’m not reminded daily that I’m loved, by these specific people who truly love me, I just completely reject myself. My self-love is conditional.

I was wondering. Why do you assume my mother hurt me (and not my father)? It’s strangely true, I mean, my father hurt me as much but it doesn’t seem as significant.

Thank you, Anita!