Dear Claire:

Some of the losses you experienced have been greater than others. If you didn’t have a close relationship with the aunt who lived overseas, and if you were not present in her life or death, than that loss would not have been as great as perhaps losing your rabbit who was present in your life, especially if you were present at her killing by the dogs.

Regarding why the recent losses feel more intensely than previous ones, why you feel the emptiness you do at work: how we feel is a result of many factors. You mentioned the autumn weather, that is one factor. You mentioned the recent house sale, that is another factor. That last one maybe exhausted you and you are very tired. Being tired is a powerful factor in how we feel. We feel empty when tired, empty of energy. Without much energy we tend to feel well, powerless, weak.

Then what we tell ourselves when feeling empty makes a difference. If you tell yourself something like: there must be something terribly wrong with my life, or my mind, these thoughts lead to more distressing feelings.

It is probably a combination of factors that explain why you feel more empty now than before, at work. The recent student that moved on was not the same as students before him. Maybe there was a special connection between that student and you. The weather, your physical and emotional exhaustion, the latter, I am thinking, is most powerful. Maybe what you need most is to rest, to sleep more, refresh yourself.

anita