Hi yk,

While I understand and respect your perspective. It’s expectations that always create most of the conflict in relationship. That is “expecting” someone to change to fit our reality. No one can ever live up to that, because our expectations can change so often. It you had expectations of her, and she could not meet that, then you will have “expectations” of the next girlfriend, and if she can’t meet that, then the next girlfriend. It’s a vicious cycle.

That’s why I don’t believe in “expectations”. We need to love ourselves enough that we can truly love another person without changing their weight, diet, clothing, hair, etc. Hearing these things as a women is very painful and makes them less likely to “change” and more likely to resist. Once I did this to my former boyfriend, and he called me a “nag”. I realized expectations are a way of nagging, and I stopped. We can’t fix another person, only ourselves. Instead I suggested, I was joining a Zumba class, and they had couples night and it would be fun if he could join me. It was okay if he said no, he would be ready to lose weight when he was ready, not on my terms. Just some thoughts.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Eliana.