I know Anita.

I wonder if I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I hate to be anxious all the time. I almost never know what it’s like to be comfortable in myself. Even right now sitting alone I’m anxious. “Am I doing the right thing? “I have a headache and I just want to be able to go to my room and hide.” “I have to go to a job and be nice but that always means talking to someone and I am afraid that my anxiety will come out.” I am good with social exchanges but if people expect more of me then I will be done for in my new job. If I am in an environment that’s friendly it has to be a completely friendly environment.

I have to treat my new job as it’s the first day everyday. My biggest fear is becoming too comfortable. I fear that because the more comfortable I get the more honest I get. That is not good. I have to appear happy and calm all the time because my true self is in pain and anxious and defensive. I feel threatened and want to run away. I have to find a way to deal with the small percentage of rude customers. I can be happy and accomodating 1000 times but 1 time I’m rude and impatient and that’s all that a boss sees. I am in my third day of training and I feel anxious. I am taking a supplement that is suppose to support calmness. I have to go and get ready.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Lisa.