Hi, H. I came here to see your post. I want to tell you my opinion and I want you to really listen. I was controlling and jealous too (without no reason with my last bf). I learnt so much from my last relationship. I realized my mistakes, I grew up. I know you don’t want to hear things like leave him, find someone better. I want to tell you so much from my experience to make you understand what I know now.

First, you don’t have to change in the sense of trying to need less attention and affection. You deserve to receive that and you are right to need it. It’s not like he’s giving you that and you’re being unreasonable. Yeah, ok, he has his problems but the reality is he isn’t giving you what you need, while you’re there for him, trying to comfort him and understand him.

Second, you feel that he’s the right one and that you’re not supposed to leave him just because you realized your issues in your relationship with him. And now you feel like you can make it right just because you know what you do wrong. It happened the same to me. But that doesn’t mean he’s the one. He’s just someone with whom you discovered yourself more and with whom you learnt many things with.

Sacrificing yourself for him (your needs and wants) won’t make him love you more…….sorry, but it’s the truth. And be honest with yourself, you only told him that you don’t want a marriage and kids just so you can make him feel safe and just so he can feel that you understand him, so that he won’t leave….

If he’s the right one, how come you’re so unhappy? Just be honest with yourself…….don’t sacrifice your needs for him….he will be okay, you don’t need to be like his mother and make him feel safe and not getting your needs…I mean, it’s okay to make him feel safe and be understanding but not to the point of you being depressed and unhappy….