Hi H,

You are most welcome! I am guessing your anxiety has its roots in your attachment style cos you mentioned that this is not isolated to how you relate with your boyfriend. It happens even when your exes pay you the attention. Similarly, it is the same for your boyfriend too as his experience of being avoidant seems to go way back even before he met you.

I think you have taken the first step in being aware that you have some things you have to work on too. The part about you wanting to focus on your own friendships and not relying on him solely for happiness sounds awesome! It is to be aware and to find a new way to relate to him without passing on your anxiety to him. It is also to be aware when you are in the cycle of reaching out to him for assurances that he cannot give you.

But it is a two way thing, so while you work on your anxieties, he also has to work on his way of relating to you. His avoidance does not help in easing your anxiety and reinforces it.

I wanted to paste some information for you but I am unable to do so. Do a search for psychology today and attachment style 🙂 there is a result on relationships and attachment style. I think you will find the information familiar and may bring some new insights to you!