I am very upset right now and I think I am coming down with something. My throat is very sore and I don’t feel well. I am crying now because I am wondering why my  new manager hasn’t given me my schedule yet. It was given to me on two consecutive Mondays and here it is going on Thursday and I have not received my new schedule. My manager from my other job wants to know when I’m available next week and I can’t tell him. I asked her last night and she said no I haven’t  made the schedule yet. I heard her going over it with another new person tonight but she said nothing to me. I have worked 8 straight days there and all week my other job that I wanted to reduce my hours has had me working all week so I have been working doubles every day this week. My new job called me in Sunday on my day off. I am so tired because I also clean.

I am tired right now and I am afraidthat my new manager wants to weed me out. I have had a perfect performance at my new job but that honestly doesnt mean anything. Me perfect is still not good enough. I have no one to come home and talk to. I feel unwanted everywhere I go. I also was having a good day at my older job and then I got blamed for a small issue that could have turned into a big issue. I thought I was doing the right thing but was made to feel I was not when something came up.

I feel like things are being thrown at me to trip me up. I am also working way more hours than I wanted to at my older job.

This new job is a good job and I tried very hard to get hired and I just feel like I am not wanted even though my performance has been perfect. I am nervous and I came home crying again. I am so tired of feeling unwanted, scared, upset and then punished for feeling all three. I would feel more secure if my new manager would give me my schedule for next week.

People don’t like it when I cry but what else am I suppose to do when I have to work day and night to support myself or simply because I can not say no. I can’t say no because I can’t say no to someone that needs me but if they don’t think they need me anymore I am basically rejected.

I am extremely depressed right now. I do not feel well and I feel very insecure.

I am trying to make myself take a bath but I can’t move. I should give up hope of ever feeling secure.