Hi Carla and Anita,

Thank you both so much for your input.  Anita you’re 100% correct in everything you say.  Although I do love him, a lot of it, is just wanting that connection, whoever it might be, and when it goes away I fall apart, or if there’s any threat at all, the same thing.

I think it stems from my dad leaving when I was about 12 for a religion.  He’s never really been a part of my life, and so I have some abandonment issues.  I also have this desire/desperation just to be with someone and scared it will never happen, because I’m getting older (35), and it I feel helpless like it will never happen.

Carla, you’re right too.  I have to let him go, and work on myself as well, and if he comes back when he’s ready, than he does.  I need to just put him out of my mind somehow and focus on me.