Dear Anita and sister.

I agree completely with my sisters recollection of my regressing. It’s almost like I go back to being the clone of my mother, because she has always made it so that she didn’t realize where she ended it and I began.   It is also true that especially last year toxic conversations with my mother would then lead me to be a pathologic talk to my husband.  This was very severe and Trumatic to him and continues to be. He does suffer from PTSD is my sister says from this behavior of mine   Of course distance from my mother does limit my overall continuation of that but that really is not the point. I think that something important for me will be the following. I am writing here for the root. I’m not writing here as a dear Anita how do I become a better wife, dear Anita how do I become a better sister. I am writing here to say, what about me and my relationship with my mother brings out these abuseive qualities in me to whoever it may be sister husband. And how can I change that. I think I would like that to be the focus and not the exact  person or things that are done. I say this Having spent a lot of time in the past thinking oh why did I say this to this person and why do I tend to act that way, but never really understanding the root of it and that I was absorbing toxic and negative energy from my mom and regressing into her brain And voice.

Anyway, with that, if I do not go no contact, and I do continue to have interaction with my mother in whatever capacity limited with breaks or whatever, like my sister said I will have to practice not regressing back into those behaviors. For myself and of course my loved ones.