Hi Guarav,

I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. I too have been in a similar situation, unfortunately more times than I care to admit. I have finally learned. Most of the men, I met via Facebook, online or other online forums. It started out innocent, friendship..but as we kept chatting, emotional bonding occurred and I would develop deep feelings for this person as months went on..and I mistakenly thought they felt the same. Then it would turn to videochatting. They were the first person I would see or messenger in the morning, and the last person, I would messenger or video chat in the evening. There were a few of them I met briefly. When we did meet, it was very “intense” because of the fantasy’s I had built up with this person, a fairytale of an imaginary life together. I live in the United States, they lived in India, Pakistan, Iraq, Cyprus, etc. Most outside the country, I find myself attracted to Latino and middle Eastern men. None of them particularly treated me very well. They told me lies, and I foolishly believed them because I thought I was “so in love”.

The first warning sign, is the parents. The parents are very close units in these countries. Marriages are often arranged. Many of these men would not tell their parents about me, because they knew their parents would never “accept” an American woman. Yet, because I thought I was in love, I did not listen to my gut, and did not take this seriously. But it is serious. Parents come first, they have the first word in these countries. The person has to marry or be with whoever the parents want them to be with, and it always ends the same, I get rejected, heartbroken, only to meet another man from another country and on it went. I finally deleted my profile. The only advice I can give you, is when the relationship starts off “intense” it will not last. You have to have a foundation of friendship first. Like a house. With no foundation, and high winds, tornado, waves, will tear it down because it has no foundation. No relationship should start out as “intense” but slowly. Get to know that person, get to trust them. Become their friends, build that foundation, so it will last.

Last thing is when someone mentions their parents are “against” a marriage or relationship between you and the other person..take it seriously, because culture, arranged marriages and culture comes first and “love” takes a back seat. When someone says this, just run..leave, get out, or you will end up being hurt. Nothing will change. Parents have the final say and control. I hope you feel better soon, and find the love you deserve.