“but endure that distress, resist the temptation to reduce your distress by giving in to the compulsion.”

I see this is key. In fact looking back I avoided the “distress”. I recall this Pattern or habit in many parts of my life.
– coming home and feeling overwhelmed from the day and instantly going to the fridge to stress eat, this was common in medical school for me
-Coming home from a long day and instantly texting someone or calling someone, not necessarily to vent about my day or anything, but almost like a distraction from the stress of my inner self. Of course subconscious

– The example that I mentioned about Juliana. This wasn’t on a particularly stressful day or anything, the point of the matter is that it doesn’t matter, it was that it wasn’t really my intention to be social for someone for even 15 minutes. So I was acting out of habit. My action was not intentional but instead it was a habit or compulsion that I tended to – likely to alleviate some inner distress.

To shift gears I read what you wrote on my sisters thread. Thank you so much for sharing personal things about yourself, I really enjoyed reading about your journey and where you are in life now. I resonate with your words and saying that it was delightful for me to read this.It makes the whole process of healing feel even more real to me when someone like yourself can explain in detail some of your life story.

Great point at the end of the post about how my mom cried and it wasn’t necessarily because she was so touched by the intimacy of a relationship. You ask what it is then?
It is: telling yourself something so you can feel “content”. Not unlike above, going through with something -to relieve distress -because it’s habitual to feel that this is what is right/happy. (Such as. Inviting a friend on a walk means happy and loved. Going on it alone means lonely and sad)

Such as:
Oh my daughter came to visit me this weekend. I am loved. She wanted to spend time with me. I was needed. I am “happy”

I have so many plans to choose from this weekend. I am popular. I am busy. I am “happy”

I was so busy this year with wedding planning the year flew by. I am occupied. I am not lonely. I am “happy”.

It is convincing yourself. It is attaching a feeling of happiness or contentment to a person or activity to convince yourself that this equals: happy, loved, full, and satisfied.