Yes. Not are they cruel and unkind. They gaslighted us and continue to if we ever bring it up or have a fleeting memory of such. They also bring up how ungrateful we are if ever speak the slightest mark against them.

This is quite classic. I think my sister and I struggle more with the things that aren’t as apparent or straightforward so to speak.

Such as with my mom – she did suffer a lot ever since she was married and moved to this country. My father was very bad to her especially in the first years of marriage until I was about 4 or so. And her own family members, siblings who had moved to the US prior to her were very terrible to her and me. My entire young childhood I recall feeling this and seeing with my own eyes My aunt’s and uncles leaving us out, Insulting us etc. When I was old enough to absorb it on my own I felt so bad that people would treat my parents this way. Back then they still tried a lot with such people and were always sad and defeated.

So I do know a lot of that suffering is true and objective. I do also know that it doesn’t warrant any of their own evil behavior. Sure. But I do sometimes struggle with the fact that they had so much sadness and suffering especially 10-15 years ago. And aside from them as parents, my mom had even more suffering given that my father also treated her poorly years ago.