Hi Romeo,

I think what is happening, is you are confusing love, with rescue. The damsel in distress. You are wanting to rescue these women, then from that need to “rescue” you confuse it with love, which is not healthy, because once they they get back on their feet, and feel better, they will eventually leave. You are needing a 50/50 where each person puts in half toward the relationship, and they are not given the chance to meet your needs, because you are to busy meeting theirs, pleasing them, or rescuing them. I have the same problem. It may boil down to wanting to have “control” over things. When we can rescue someone, we can feel we are making their decisions for them, helping them, when in fact, we have to allow them to do this for themselves. It is hard, I know, as it is ingrained.

I don’t know if this comes from Childhood. I know with me, I had a very traumatic chilhood, I had no control over anything, over my feelings, emotions, no love, nurturing, etc. It has made me into an adult rescuer which I am currently in therapy for. Being the rescuer allows me to have the control, I was not allowed in my childhood.

There are many great books on this topic you can buy online, rent from the library or purchase from bookstore, as well as help from a qualified therapist. I hope things get better. Please post with any comments or thoughts you may have.