I admire that you are watching out for yourself Jen.

we sat down, talked, had ideas and it seemed like we both wanted to work on it. I am just afraid that this goes downhill and that in order for me to be safe,  I feel like I need to be prepared for anything. hence, I am trying to have very clear what I want for myself so that I don’t accommodate to what he wants.

It sounds like you have the wisdom from your experience of him on what he says can be different from how he actually acts.  I think that is common.  Most of us say things to accommodate, appease others by thinking that is the right thing to say but in reality we don’t behave according to the words we spout.

Most people live unconsciously so they don’t even realize that despite their best intentions and what they have said, they behave differently.  So when you said you will be talking to him when he returns from his trip in order to find out what he wants, be aware of that.

I encourage you to continue to determine on what you want and to cultivate your strength (integrity) in doing what is best for you.

Let us know how things go.
Mark