Kate,

I have no real advice on what you are asking for, i.e. how to get over him, what just happened, or how to get your identity and self worth back.

I do know that it is important to take care of yourself; emotionally and physically especially during the transition.  There are lots of ways for self care, e.g. exercise, meditation, etc.

I know that it takes time for me to make such a sudden transition from being deep in an intimate relationship (especially of all those “firsts” you mentioned) to not being another person’s partner.  There are no magic fixes.

I encourage you to focus on your self-worth without depending on him or anyone else.  The Metta Meditation is a good one to use for that.  I’ll leave it to others to suggest other ways of learning to love yourself.

Loving yourself is related to having your own identity without being dependent or attached to another person.  I know there are those who likes being considered and called someone’s girlfriend/wife/partner.  First and foremost I encourage you to embrace the identity of Kate.  Who is Kate?  Someone who is intelligent, loving, … etc.  Yes?  That is your identity.

How do you get that back?  How do you get your self-worth back?  Bit-by-bit.  It is being compassionate to yourself.

Note that this is the second time he broke up for you.  You said he broke it off because he has some very deep issues   I would take that to heart, having broke up with you twice and not to consider going back to him.  Put him behind you.

Take care,
Mark