Lucas,

I understand that fear.  I don’t think I ever really loved someone in my life.  I can love as a verb but to deeply feel that love with a romantic partner I wonder.

I also buy into the concept of needing to love myself first and foremost.  The Metta Meditation is a good technique to help with that.

I have gone on multi-day silent meditation retreats.  I figure this way I get to be with myself and only myself in order to go deep and accept me.  I recommend that.  Perhaps your Colorado work will be that for you?

When you say you cannot be intimate, what does that look like?  That can be many types of behavior or non-behavior.

I look to Bene’ Brown’s work on vulnerability in order to allow people in and reveal yourself to them.  Check out her TED talk on You Tube and her book(s).

I would work on being emotional open and vulnerable with people other than those you want to be a girlfriend with.  Do that with friends, family and even strangers.  Of course having therapy is a good avenue as well in order to explore the core that is keeping you from that.

If intimacy is showing people your flaws, frailties, fears as well as revealing how you are feeling and thinking at the present moment then that is something you can practice with anyone.  This is called being authentic and vulnerable.

What do you think?
Mark