Dear friends,

I know it has been a long time, but I was recently thinking about this post and I wanted to post some news.

Over these months, things have been progressed quite a lot, mainly inside me. It all started with my ex, coming back once I had managed to find some peace & happiness inside me demanding me to return to us (he had broken up with me, he had stayed away for 2 years, asking me to stay friends, never discussed for our problems or taking any responsibility and he just freaked out when he saw I was ready to go and live my life).

All this pressure and drama from his side (you can see it at the posts above) revealed my inability to confront others demands and needs and set my boundaries based on my needs and desires so that I can have healthy relationships.

I started psychotherapy and I think it was the best thing I have ever done in my life. At first, I thought it would help me confront my ex and give me some solutions in a sense of instructions “Tell him this and that or do this and that”. I then understood that it was quite different (thankfully). I learned more about myself, my childhood, my insecurities, my inner need to satisfy the rest for not facing their anger/silent treatment. I learned as a kid to try my best to satisfy my mother and be always like a grown-up, talk nicely, not being sad or angry, never say no.

And I saw I was carrying all these demands for years. Leaving my parents’ house, I entered in a relationship with someone (my ex) that was doing the same way as my mom, in a more aggressive way. I only now see how I was manipulated and emotionally abused; he knew more than me my insecurities and my need to satisfy the rest and he was taking advantage every time. I had totally forgotten my desires and needs and I was trying to keep him happy thinking in that way I was the perfect girlfriend, so that was the correct thing to do and that would mean my happiness too.

My body was trying to warn me; and I was kept ignoring it. I write these things to other girls like me that may feel they have found the Mr. perfect that takes care of them and they do everything he asks but somewhere within then they feel something is wrong and feel unhappy. I was unhappy. I was crying often without any reason, I was feeling lonely, I was eating a lot and I was trying to make a diet just for him. I was sad because I thought was not good enough, beautiful enough, not a good girlfriend. So, I was trying to satisfy him more. He needed a breakup, I was leaving. He needed to stay friends with me, I was saying ok. He wanted to hang all around with friends, even If I was hurt, I was saying ok, etc so on. Inside and after the relationship he was deciding and I was saying ok. It didn’t start like that; at first I was trying to say No to some things and he got angry or sad and as that agony was part of my childhood I was trying to change it. So, in the end, I was only saying yes to all cause I was just too afraid.

I had to fall and crawl, but thankfully, I now feel so much better; better than ever before in my life. Like I just now live normally. My ex is out of my life (he sends some messages here and there but I don’t care anymore, I am so angry and disappointed with him – yes, I could not feel anger before, it was a forbidden feeling for the perfect girlfriend I needed to be!).

I moved from my parents’ house and I now live alone. I try to listen to my inner voice and my desires and needs. For the first time, I discover myself. I take care of myself and I am becoming stronger. I am not afraid of staying alone or saying my opinion for not hurting the others. It is still an ongoing process but it was very important for me even to start with it!

I would like to thank mostly Anita for her help the previous months and also the rest posting here. Anita mostly, made me understand some of my inner needs that were leading my actions and she helped me to keep strong and focus on my needs and desires. Thank you so much!

I am writing all these, because I feel like after posting a problem or a bad situation, we should come back to give also a positive feedback, at least a positive progress. For people who were broken like me, not knowing what to do and keep on blaming themselves for everything: there are hope and strength and are inside you. It needs effort to stand on your feet -even if some prefer you to stay down because it makes THEM feel stronger- and you deserve to yourself to be happy and have healthy relationships.

I will post more soon. Take care and I am here for anyone who needs any help !

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mepina.