Dear Hannah:

You wrote that your mother felt that you were choosing a very difficult life for yourself by leaving the cult-

you wouldn’t have been motivated to leave the cult if the life in the cult wasn’t a very difficult life for you.

Your father’s heartless behavior toward you before, after and since he found, read and shared your journal content with others, indicates to me that indeed your life was very difficult for being your father’s daughter, for one. Having a mother and a cult that supports a cruel to you father is… indeed a very difficult life.

I understand your intense attachment to your mother, your need for her approval. It is only natural to feel this way for one’s mother. She didn’t tell you that she loved you, in those last moments of her life.

Did she tell you or otherwise express to you that she loved you before you left the cult and then stopped saying it or otherwise expressing it after you left?

anita

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Hi Anita. Yes, the cult was a very difficult life for me. I did not feel I belonged. I felt very confined.

My father has certainly made me feel that I am not good enough. I do not crave his approval as I feel that his viewpoint on life can be flawed. But at times his behaviour has made me feel like he is disgusted by me and I can’t help but let this make me feel bad about myself.

I think a couple of times she did tell me she loved me. And she did things that showed that she loved me. I think she struggled with being emotional. Her mother was very overbearing so I think she tried her best not to be. I wouldn’t say she was the happiest person and that bothered me quite a lot. I wish I could be at peace with my relationship with her.