Dear Anita,

yes I am aware that this healing process is still at its beginning, it is like a path actually, that I am trying to enjoy and discover as it goes, without any stress though to meet an endpoint, a destination or termination/goal. And even if it hurts at times, I must say I enjoy it cause it makes me feel alive and more at peace with myself!

Concerning my ex, well, I guess you are right. His inner insecurities were forcing him to ask for others love and more love and more reassurances that they wanted/liked him. He was asking all time for valuation from me, but without showing any kind of need or low confidence, this is why I could not see that I would never ever meet his expectations.
For example, when he was cooking he was asking “Tell me, isn’t this the best cake you have ever eaten?”, when he was shopping something “Isn’t this t-shirt really great and fit my body perfectly?”. For his work “The top-guru guy on my field said he loved my job, the presentation I did was great, wasn’t it?!” So, he was always showing to me that he is extremely sure of himself, very confident and all these questions were there just to show me how important/strong/great he was, not because he needed my evaluation, but to remind me how lucky I was for having him, how clever he was and how many issues I did have, making me feel less and less all the time. If I would reply something different than what he wanted to above, he would say I do not appreciate things as I should and I can not evaluate thongs right.
So, when he saw I was abandoning my tries to be again together with him and I had started dating again, he started all these demands to win me back because his ego was hurt. Not because he loved me. I had been there for months trying and he was ignoring my needs. It was nice to see me broken and weak and ready to accept everything, cause he was feeling stronger. But he never admitted he was afraid of losing me and he never said he is jealous or something similar. And as for the first time he was seeing me to say ‘NO’ to his demands, he was acting like crazy and started all this emotional pressure on me.

Anyway, my main concern is to look at first inside me, on my own healing path, and also evaluate my relationship with him in the sense of what I did, how I felt and why I let things go to a certain way. People with unrealistic demands and issues may come again in my way and this time, I want to know my boundaries and keep the connection with myself and my needs even during a new relationship. I don’t want to lose ‘me’ again.

For his wounds, well, he is the responsible one and needs to either see them and solve them or keep on using the “perfect super confident smart handsome mr.perfect man” mask he is wearing most of the time to avoid any kind of criticism.

Thank you again for your support all this time anita 🙂