yes i think you are right.

now i just do not think of her, we havent met since october 2016. sometimes i see she is active on facebook, spamming and commenting everyone. but its ok. i let her be.

these two years tought me a lot. especially regading my confidence and my life. that was ok.

i learnt that people especially my age have 2 sides. i do not know why but here in my country among every one of the group, people pretend and have masks. abroad my friends didnt have masks.have been real.

here i dont know what happens, a lot of my friends is fake. even they are intelligent, graduates. like they want to prove something or i dont know.

and being real,being vournelable but aware of life, and things that happen around is a sign of being weak not strong.

people are afraid to show emotions. and they hide it thats why a lot of conflicts occur.

usually people like me because i show emotions and i am strong and even when i was younger i used to tell in a nice way what i wanted. maybe as we discussed before i was not as assertive nor talkative and i couldnt express my emotions bravely.

but that is weird because since the beginning of my studies i was involved to groups with Queens Bee. and i was always the ‘rival’ of them. and because people knew those girls better they usually relied on them/ their opinion.

i didnt understand the hierarchy because really, still i dont need to be dependable, i can act how i want i can invite whom i want,i can talk to whom i want. there is no hierarchy.

and in those groups people were gossiping about other, outside friends that added someone on facebook ( what did it mean, why did she do it, is she in love with him). my mind doesnt need to be filled with trash like that.

that is  why i think only a few people liked me because i always had my path, my way of doing things, expressing myself.

i dont like drama. i just cant see myself screaming at my friend and throwing things at her. its not about me being weak and not  being able to express emotions. its maybe gentle behaviour like a normal person would do.

i see that before 30 . in the age gap 27-31 ( 28-30) people mature. i have felt more matured than my friends before. because i didnt make drama i was doing my thing. but i realised that drama people calm down before the age of 30.

and everyone forgive them the drama. i usually do not forgive the drama.  i can be nice and talk but i cant forgive. because its the way they made me feel. and i was away hidden in a corner because i felt bad and they were having romantic dinners. but when you ask them they wouldnt know what was going on with me because they didnt have the emotional  intelligence to guess or to be empathetic even to one of closest friends.

i know that everything will be okey with me. situations like that occured twice more after this one. but it was about work not a man. it was in 2016 and in 2017 when abroad. i was stronger. people wanted to cheat on me somehow because i was nice and normal at my workplace. but i was stronger than they thought.

i know everything will be fine but i usually do not come back to queen bees that made me feel that way. when i cut contact with her she cried and beg me to stay but i had a satisfaction to turn my back ( like in movies!! ) hahah and go my way.

and i will not have karma. because  i can feel and i am  empathetic.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mya.