To answer your previous question I would have to be in the mood I’m in when I feel that way. When I was in that mood I felt very very strongly that I was a nothing to men and women would just smirk at my being a nothing. I felt that. I could give you numerous examples of this. I feel it to some extent when I am feeling better but it doesn’t bother me as much. Depending on what week it is I believe strongly that I am disliked.

Rationally I believe that I can not get over my father not being a part of my life, being hurt by people I trusted when I was a child, Most daughters do not have to work on or seek out attention from their fathers. Their fathers are there for them. I was going through a trauma in my teens but felt like everyone thought it was up to me to make everything work. I am stubborn now and insist that I approached first. In the past the only approaches I got were physical I wanted someone to ve interested in me, my thoughts, ideas…no one was.

Today I was listening to a video about “being a victum and how not to be.” I didn’t fully understand everything he was suggesting or said but liked the overall idea he was expressing. Talking about “reactions” which I get but it’s hard when you are hurt or insulted. I would also not want to lose me emotions wholly.

I do believe I put myself into the victum mode but that has always been my experience.

I appreciate your posts because you are one of a handful of people who see something worthwhile in me and actually say it to me. You are very insightful and I feel that you truly want to help. I have had my ups and downs but I am always interested in what you have to say. I think you have tried to motivate me to look forward but I am stubbornly holding on to something I will never have. Unconditional love. It’s the only live I am interested in.

I want to do something about my situation but I don’t know how to act and desperately looking for an answer. If I can figure out what is broken or what is causing the block than I could do something about it. Even in my calmest I do feel I am not pursued. I heard from a friend of mine today how her boyfriend saw me at my work and told her how pretty I looked. I appreciated the compliment but are they always coming from men who are married or atrached?

I am tired right now. I do appreciate your posts Anita and your help. I sound frustrated because I am working with a set of beliefs and looking for answers as to why those beliefs seemed to be reinforced. I want someone to prove what I say is wrong. I am very tired and I am sorry if I haven’t communicated well with you. I do need to go to bed though.

Thank you

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Lisa.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Lisa.