Hi Anita,

Thanks for the reply. Yes you’re right – I look to the numbers because I am desperate for hope, and desperate that everything that has happened has been for a reason, and that my life has meaning. It’s silly, I don’t really eat properly or focus on food at all so I replace it with other distractions. I guess numbers is one of them when deep down I know that what I need to do is focus on me and my body. I think Clarence was also another distraction from this, and losing him has meant that I really do need to create a life that I’m not trying to escape from.

Yes, sometimes I hear the yelling and shouting when I try and sleep. It’s engrained in my memory and sometimes I hear the insults over and over. How does healing happen?

Cat