Dear Lily:

Your last words in the post above a re “Maybe it takes more time”- I agree, more time, more understanding, more practice.  It is  an ongoing  process of learning and applying what you learn, through time, through distress, keep going.

From your reaction to the rude person asking questions and your accommodating  of the rude man in your former dormitory, reads to me that you are motivated to be good and nice to a rude person, as in .. you spot a rude behavior  toward you and that itself triggers you to act nicely and to accommodate the rude  person, to do what he or she wants.

We discussed  your childhood some, your father entering your room without  knocking, if  I remember correctly (even if  your room was the  only  way to get to other parts of the home, he  could  have knocked) as well as him having  a key to the bathroom. In what other ways was he … rude and  intrusive? Maybe other members of the family were rude and intrusive?

anita