Dear Cat:

It is uncommon for me to communicate with a person whose life was or is so similar to the way my life has been, letting random people and situations take us to where they may. Looking back, I realize that any person and any situation seemed attractive to me compared to the only situation I knew: the misery living with my mother.

So I went for the better option, the better of the two I knew. Random. I didn’t know a third option. The third option is what my healing process has been about, 2011- present time (there is that 11)

I have plenty of thoughts and feelings about your sharing, lots of my life experiences that came up as I typed the above post. If we continue to communicate, if you are willing, I will share those, over time.

You have placed your trust and faith in random people, Clarence was one. You placed your trust somewhat in that woman in the charity shop, and they failed you. I don’t want to be yet another random person to fail you. I do have 11:11 attached to me now, but Clarence had that too, didn’t he. And he failed you.

When I put my trust in random people, looking up to them, hoping, wishing  that they pick me up from my misery, that they save me, when they didn’t- and they didn’t- I got angry. I don’t want this to be the result of our communication.

To minimize the chances of that happening, I will start with letting you know my basic beliefs about what you referred to as the Universe. I don’t believe there is an entity in our lives, be it what people refer to as god or universe, that cares about our individual well being, having empathy for us,  sending us messages so to guide us for a more pleasant life experience.

I don’t believe the common saying that everything happens for a reason. Not at all. I believe that there is no god/ universe orchestrating events in our lives ahead of them happening, for a reason, so to teach us, to guide us. Lots and lots is random. Lives are wasted in random, for no reason, no reason at all.

Even though this website has the word buddha in it, and I am a member here, I am not a buddhist. I believe in the major principles of Buddhism as I learned about it in therapy and in reading books and such, in the past. One such principle is that of seeing more and more of what reality is, peeling off delusions, that is, false beliefs.

There may be a meaning to 11:11 but I don’t know what it is. I know, I believe, what it is not. There is a lot that I don’t know and will never know. But I do know more and more every day.

And now, I will let you decide if you want to communicate with me further, your choice.

anita