Great that you are getting clarity joanna.

There is the conscious, intellectual understanding and there is the 90% (a number I made up) that is our unconscious part.

This is what triggers our behavior and emotions, our sub/unconsciousness.  This is what was programmed into us when we were young.  Hence your upbringing causes us to be drawn into situations and people and react despite what we intellectually “know better.”

It’s a continuous practice of mindfulness, of noticing ourselves, of self-awareness and making conscious choices in thinking and behavior.

Hopefully each time we learn more and reprogram those neural pathways just a little more toward a healthier way of reacting/thinking/behaving.

Mark