Dear Anita,
yes, I was meaning ‘fell down’, but as you stated, both are correct. Pieces fell down, but I also felt down.
It was indeed a new experience for me, expressing the way I would like this to go and at the same time rejecting what he proposed and saying No. He proposed me to meet just for sex and I told him that If he has not enough time to give more to this relationship then, I do not like to be squeezed inside his program like that, and not to meet. He apologized and said I was totally right, but then he ghosted me.
When I was texting that message I felt it was the first time in a romantic relationship that I was saying no to something like to this to someone I had started to have feelings for, knowing the risk of losing him. As it happened. But it was the correct and healthy thing to do; expressing my desire and my boundaries and also saying that I didn’t like something. It caused fear and pain afterward, but yes, it also gave me a new experience, how it is to listen to your inner needs and thoughts and express them. It is a new lesson for me.
I had listed so many of my mistakes at my very first post; one was that I was not listening to my needs and I was not expressing them. I now feel stronger to be an equal in a relationship. If I can not, then well, I started to enjoy the company of myself too the last months so the fear of rejection is less, knowing I can take care of myself and enjoy it 🙂
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 