Craig,

Yes it is deadly that when an anxious tries to have a relationship with an avoidant.

I wonder how do you know that 50s + people are overrepresented by avoidants.  From your personal experience?  I would question that for I believe we attract those whose characteristics/wounds are why we need to work on for ourselves.

There are articles on the web about trying to co-create a relationship with an avoidant.  Of course there is a spectrum of attachment and it is not across the board consistent either.

I tell people I have only three initial criteria for woman that I want for a relationship: 1. chemistry 2. kindness and 3. self-awareness.  The self-awareness piece means to me taking responsibility for their own shit and that they are working on it.

I have no answers or suggestions here for I am looking for myself as well.  I consider myself an avoidant-secure attachment personality.  However I am highly self-aware and communicative.

Mark